Appropriate Use of Screen Time and Its Effects on our Children

Yesterday on the train I saw a dad with his preschool aged son, who I believe is 3 or 4 years old. I have seen them before. They get on the subway and get off one station later. That’s not surprising. What is surprising is that for that 2 minute ride the dad gives his son his phone so that he can watch videos. Every time.

When I was a child I remember going on very long car rides with my family without any sort of screen. We had books. We talked to each other. We had little magnetic games. Eventually my brother got a handheld video game. But he could only do that for part of the time. These were 16 hour trips. No movies. No TV. No social media. Just our thoughts, each other, books, and eventually some short video games. I remember making up games with my brother. I remember the four of us having lively debates about politics, religion, and current events. I remember staring out of the window and thinking about space, what it means to be alive, and what to do about a friend I was arguing with. I remember singing with my dad and learning the lyrics and artists from my parents’ generation as well as my own. I remember laughing, and talking, and arguing, and feeling closer to my family after every trip. To the point where I actually looked forward to those long car trips.

If I had to do a 16 hour trip with my daughter now, I am sure we would watch a movie or two. But we would also have some time without screens.There was a time where we, adults but also children in particular, were encouraged to think, make our own fun, and have deep or silly conversations. Now that is being replaced with passive entertainment and doom scrolling.

Studies have shown that some screen time for children can be beneficial. In particular, watching some non-fiction content for a limited period of time (about 30 minutes or less a few times a week) has actually been shown to improve academic gains later. And there are plenty of studies that show that video games can improve hand eye coordination and logical reasoning, depending on the game and the age of the player.

But many more studies have shown the harmful effects of too much screen time. Some of the harmful effects of too much screen time according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry include:

• Sleep problems
• Lower grades
• Weight problems
• Mood problems
• Poor self-image and body image issues
• Anxiety and depression
• Exposure to
  • Violence and risk-taking behaviors
  • Sexual content
  • Negative stereotypes
  • Cyberbullies and predators
  • Misleading information

And too much is relative. Recommendations vary based on the source, but in general, under the age of 2, most studies and doctors recommend no or extremely limited screen time. From 2-12 years old it’s recommended that children get no more than one-hour a day during the week, and a max of 3 hours on weekend days, and in the company of a guardian or sibling who can help ensure appropriate content and for safety. For teens, the recommendation is actually no more than 2 hours a day, except for homework. And there should be no screen time within an hour before bedtime. Research has also shown the younger a child is when they get a smartphone, the worse their mental health will be.

Personally, I reserved screen time for when my child was sick until the age of 5. I even got rid of my phone when my daughter was a toddler until she was 7, to make sure that I was not distracted when I was with her and to lessen the temptation to placate her with games and videos. What I noticed was that it made me more present, whether we were out or at home. We had amazing conversations. I understood her likes and interests in ways I could have missed had I been distracted scrolling through Instagram. Even now, on the train, we usually keep our phones in our bags or pockets and will talk for short rides, sharing things from our day or just being silly. One of my favorite times of day is actually when we are walking home after school. Sometimes she will talk non-stop for 10 minutes or more. It’s not always something I need to know or hear, but it always gives me insight into how she is doing, how school is going, and if there is something she needs from me but can’t clearly communicate. More importantly, it makes her feel that I am listening. That if she wants to talk, she is more important than whatever is on my phone. As she moves into her teenage years, that is something that needs to be deeply ingrained if there is any hope of keeping our communication and relationship going strong.

Now that she is approaching her teenage years, there is definitely more screen time in our house than there was before. She has video calls with her friends. Plays Minecraft. Works on the book she is writing. And watches videos to inspire her Lego creations. We also have family movie nights, and will sometimes binge a few episodes of a show we enjoy together.

And there are valid reasons for screen time, particularly at her age. We do not want her to be completely removed from what is happening in the world. In order to relate to her peers, it is important that she has some exposure to popular culture, particularly music, movies, and games. Also she is old enough that games like Minecraft are actually a great outlet for her creativity and imagination. Family movies are a great bonding activity where we can all be immersed in a story for a time. And realistically, sometimes we are all tired and watching a few episodes of a show is an easy way to rest and take a break from thinking, problem solving, and negotiating.

But sometimes it is also too much. It’s very clear when we’ve had too much screen time. We bicker more. We’re moody. We’re tired. And it has more of an impact on our child than it does on the adults. So when we notice the screen eyes, or the irritability, we take a break. We don’t ban it outright. But we will make it clear that we need an hour or two with no screens. We’ll do a puzzle. Or go for a walk. Or play a board game. Or read. And we are starting a new habit where the first Saturday of every month will be screen free. For everyone in the family.

Screen time isn’t going away. And there are some benefits. But like all things, it needs to be practiced in moderation and with awareness of the benefits and risks. Screen time has been proven to be addictive. So trying to institute limits can result in some serious and extreme push back and fights. Some people need to go “cold turkey” for a bit to reset. Others will fair better by reducing slowly. The important thing is to establish healthy limits and habits that protect our children’s growth, development, and mental health.